Kate is a wonderful blue-eyed marketing professional just shy of 40.
Five years ago, her then husband announced he wanted a divorce, sending her whole life into a topsy turvy. All the plans they made to have kids and get a vacation home in Hawaii dissipated, disappeared, just like that. And Kate was left to move back to her hometown.
As I’m sure you can imagine, Kate was devastated. But, she pulled herself together bit by bit and has now created an amazing life. She did some therapy to help heal the divorce. Made new friends. Reached a new level in her career. Even bought an amazing house.
The only thing missing is love.
Kate truly wants to find someone and is frustrated. She’s the first to admit that most of the guys she meets aren’t good enough. And the ones she really likes… well, they aren’t exactly single. After years of therapy and working on herself, she wonders what’s blocking her from love.
Can you relate?
Does it feel like you’ve tried everything to get over that divorce or break up… but your ex is quietly haunting you!
On the recommendation of a friend, Kate recently started working with one of my expertly trained Love Mentor® Dating Coaches. It’s been just a few sessions now but things are already starting to shift in Kate’s dating life. For the first time in years, she’s beginning to feel optimistic about men and marriage.
That’s why I was inspired to write this blog for you! Of course, I’m always here for you and we’d love to coach you one-on-one through Love Mentoring® (I even offer a complimentary session here). But, if you want to get started right now, here are some of the key steps I recommend you take when you’re having trouble moving on from divorce or heartbreak.
Get support. Kate did the right thing by doing some therapy around her divorce. Just be sure to choose a therapist who is more action-oriented. If you spend countless sessions just analyzing your break up without feeling like you’re truly making progress, it may be time to find a new therapist or Love Mentor® Coach.
Surround yourself with positive people. As it’s often said, we’re the product of the five people we spend the most time with. If you’re always around others who are complaining about men and divorce, you’re bound to absorb some of that negativity. I highly recommend finding fun friends who are happily dating or who have been through a divorce and are now happily remarried.
Focus on becoming your best self. After heartbreak, you may start to define yourself as rejected or damaged goods. This is so not true! Remember you get to determine how you perceive things. What if this was a whole new opportunity to create an incredible, refreshing life? Also remember that 99.99 percent of people have been rejected and broke up with. And divorce is incredibly common. There’s nothing “wrong” with you. So, right now, I want you to make a list of what you want most for yourself. What would make you beam with happiness? A makeover? Some new clothes? Who do you want to be? More generous? More fun? How can you live into that?
Try something totally, completely new! Always wanted to go blonde? Dreamed about a trip to Africa? Has a marathon been on your bucket list for ages? Wish you could get a dog? Now is the time to take some action! Make a list. Commit to doing something new every month.
Date for FUN… and against type! Stop dating to find the one. Give up seeing every potential date as a future husband who could break your heart. This only leads you to start analyzing him and the relationship. Right now, accept any offer that seems fun. Commit to dating around this way for a few months. Tell each guy on the second date that you like them but just want to let them know you’ve made a promise to yourself to date around for awhile. (Not only will this help you relax, it will inspire the right guys to step up and pursue!)
Give up comparisons. Every time you find yourself comparing a guy to your ex, STOP! Remember, you cannot know someone in a handful of dates.
Create a love intention. What do you want when it comes to a relationship? For example, “I have meet a loyal, fun-loving, supportive man and we are in a true partnership with extraordinary love”.
Go for it! You deserve great love!
About Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love”, and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.