Have you ever been tempted to list a younger age on your online dating profile? Or maybe you do?
Be honest! 😉
If you have, I get it.
Online dating has forever changed the way we date. We now know a person’s stats from the get-go. Before online dating, we typically met a potential love interest out and about and wouldn’t learn their age, weight or income level until a few dates. We had the chance to get a feel for the person before all those stats came into the picture. Which is so important!
But, with online dating, you’re asked to list your age, body type, occupation, even astrological sign! And, you’re asked to specify an age range for your potential match.
It’s normal to get stressed about all this.
You may worry that you might miss out on the perfect partner if he lists 45 as his cut off and you’re 46. You figure most men want younger women. And you look young, you’re fully of energy… so why should you have to “lead” with your age, right?!
Of course, women aren’t the only ones conflicted with this. Many men also shave off some years (and add income!).
Yep, lying about your age (and many other things!) isn’t uncommon when it comes to online dating. So many people are fudging their stats, why shouldn’t you?
Here’s the thing…
There’s no such thing as being the wrong age, weight, or income level. The right one will like ALL those things about you!
Remember this — with age, you gain wisdom, experience, perspective and empathy. You become a better, more relatable you. The reality is you just keep getting better and better!
And the kind of guy you want is one who is MATURE enough to realize that. Men who are ready for a truly healthy relationship know that they have the most in common with women who are around their age.
The reality is, it’s not your age or weight or income level that’s keeping you single. If you feel self-conscious about it, you’re making it a much bigger “thing” than it is.
Here’s a special exercise to help you feel fabulous about your age.
Read the exercise below and then close your eyes, taking your time to really do each step.
Remember a time when you identified with feeling beautiful, attractive, sensual, and sexy. Naturally at home in your body, present, and alive. This memory may be when you had your first love. Your first real caress or loving kiss. Or when you had your first good sexual relationship. Remember what that feels like. Remember feeling fully alive, the energy running through your fingertips, your lips, or other places in your body. How good that felt. If you have trouble with this, imagine being a gorgeous celeb, like Sofía Vergara or Angelina Jolie, who feels at home, attractive, sensual, sexy, and alive in her own body. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. Feel that completely. Imagine yourself feeling better, even better. Imagine yourself feeling five times better.
Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, clearer. Give it a great soundtrack, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger.
I call this self-loving part of your identity the Body Love Diamond Self.
Give this part of you a sensual, validating Body Love nickname—like Luscious Mama, Vibrant Beauty, or Shapely Vixen. Have fun and give yourself permission to be outrageous with this! Say this name to yourself. Really feel it!
Shrink the image of your alive sensual self and make it as small as a real diamond. Then put that image aside.
Recall an image of yourself at a time when you felt fat, ugly, invisible, or unattractive, ashamed about your body, asexual or unlovable. When you made up lots of body image war stories.
This is your Disappointing Body Self image. Take your Body Love image, make it the size of a hand grenade, and imagine throwing it right into the center of your Disappointing Body Image, watching it explode and completely destroy the Disappointing image. Speed the whole thing up and do it several more times. Do this until you cannot get a clear image of the Disappointing Body Self Image.
Write down your Body Love name on several sheets of paper and put one near your computer, one in your closet, and one near the bathroom mirror. Glance at your new name often during the day.
You can do a quick version of the whole ultimate Body Love DS exercise whenever you are interacting with a guy (whether online or not), heading on a date or need to be comfortable in your own skin and at ease with your body, your age and your appearance.
Just like snowflakes, there are no two self-loving names that are alike. Yours is completely unique and will make your appearance look different to you and to others. Believe it or not, your new nickname will also change your body and your health and help you look younger! Skeptical? Here’s how it works. Self-attacking thoughts cause stress and chronic tightness in your back and other muscle systems, collapse your posture, and physically change your blood (cortisol levels which measure anxiety, to name just one factor) so that you age more rapidly. They hurt your health. Not to mention creating tension lines and darkness in the face. Your body war stories have aged you and taken their toll on you physically both inside and out. When you create and use a sensual identity you banish these afflictions. You find your natural joy and playfulness, the youthful sparkle of being fully alive in the present moment. And men find you ultra-attractive.
Want to meet someone really fantastic – who totally loves and accepts you as you are? I’m here to help you further. Email me here to get a complimentary session with one of my highly trained Love Mentor® Dating Coaches. During your one-on-one session, your Mentor will coach you in the area you need the most support — whether it’s meeting quality guys, getting over your ex, becoming irresistible, or breaking dead-end patterns.
About Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love”, and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.